Sustained Criticism

It's good to know that I haven't buried my emotions so completely in self-control, that I cannot still rage about things occasionally. I am furious with the faculty, the language programme, and most of all the hellish thing called exfac. I want to scream "fuck it all" at the top of my lungs, go jogging and listen to very angry, very hard music. But I can't. Because I can't take seven exams next semester, I just can't. Not alongside work. And I haven't the time to go jogging to furious music. If I did I would most likely sprain an ancle, because I can't run on ice.

And even if I do a double major entirely in Eng. lit., I get no more than a lit course more per year. I am so frustrated with this useless degree. And I wish I had gone to Oxford, where the BA is so extensive you're automatically awarded an MA after a set number of years. Unless you've acquired one in the field already, of course. Here, I get a useless BA and get to bore my ass of while doing so. Oh, the joy. I need to scream, and I can't do that here, there are too many people.

I feel sorry for the people I'm meeting tomorrow, I will not be a pleasant asset to a study group. Nor will I be pleasant to customers at work. I think I'll make the tag "fucking BA" a recurring thing, so I can look back at it when I'm done in two and a half years, point and laugh at all the poor undergrads walking into the hell I've completed. Why can't anyone get me a course where I get to read critical theory and have heated debates?

We have this delightful girl in our class by the name of Iselin. She has cheated through all our three years at Nordstrand, and the scale has grown with the difficulty and work-load. Lately, she has been cheating on more or less everything. And got caught on the English final. For three years she has been getting undeserved 6's, and no one has said anything.

Now she claims to be anorectic, and our teachers have talked with her. They now know that she has been cheating all year. Her excuse was that "I can't do anything but exercise, these days, I just can't revise". Normally, when someone is having a hard time, they take the time they need to get better, talk to their teachers about it and reduce their work-load. After Christmas this year she had a disastrous fall-out with a few people, and she has generally been having a tough time, it seems. While I have all possible sympathy for that, I cannot stand her way of dealing with it. You do not cheat your way to exemplary grades. You just do not. The rest of us work for them. And for the school to simply let it slide, is horrendous. It is outrageous. Letting her have grades she does not deserve, letting her get a place at a university she has not worked for.

But, we know she is intelligent, and that she would have gotten these grades if it wasn't for her illness. Oh, right, the illness she pretends to have? Like those cutting for attention, she displays it. She prances about bragging of how little she has eaten, of how she is soo tired – she just spent to hours at the gym, before coming to school at 8.

Perhaps I should fake a depression? That would justify my cheating on my up-coming exams. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I echo my words: if I have children, they will not go to a Norwegian state school.